I'm presuming I was not crazy from the moment of conception, although I have no confidence in the veracity of a conclusion arrived at by presuming. Americans presume America will go on whether or not they defend her against the internal destroyers of America or pretend they don't exist. My mother told me when I was 4 years old that she had tried to kill me when I was in utero but I did not die. The only thing that happened she said through moments of guffaws was her ears rang like dinner bells.
I had so many underground feelings picturing myself in her womb being prodded at and grabbed at--sensing though this woman was suppose to take care of me and keep me safe she was attempting to murder me!! That's pretty crazy. Childhood conviction: The world is crazy. Having no one to Talk and Share with, that conviction ruled part of my life for most of my life until I uncovered/remembered feeling/believing it. Never receiving clarification/explanation about my caregiver putting me in mortal danger before birth pretty much destroyed any sense of safety I had. Childhood conviction: I'm in danger.
No one to Talk and Share with no way to arrive at an understanding, to satisfy my intellect about those unfinished cycles (what Gestalt Therapy calls them) I continued on in life not completely moving forward - remaining at the space where I contemplated various possibilities of "why did this happen? how could this have happened" etc. all unconsciously for the most part, until I was guided to look at my feelings thoughts opinions decisions convictions arrived at at that time and examined them and realizing I now have choices, may choices with new awareness.
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